I've struggled with anxiety for a few years now. I suffered in silence for quite a while because I didn't have a word to match these feelings. Anxiety was "just stress" and not something anyone really talked about. Thankfully that has started to change and there is less stigma surrounding anxiety and other mental health issues. But even with the support of family and friends, I still find my anxiety something I struggle to speak about.
Anxiety manifests itself in a million different ways. Not only is the way we experience anxiety from person to person different, but different things trigger anxious bouts for different people. Something that I've always struggled with is having unrealistic expectations for myself. I have always been a perfectionist, from my schoolwork to doing a simple cat-eye. Even when I'm doing my best, I tend to compare myself to others and feel that my best is never enough. In moderation, that way of thinking can be beneficial... a source of self-motivation. But it can be crippling when you don't take time to be proud of yourself and your work.
I got this "Say Yes" tattoo on July 10, 2016... about a year and a half ago. At that time I was doing my best, mentally and physically speaking. I was happy and excited to start the second half of my college career. The purpose of the tattoo was to serve as a personal reminder that YES I can do that scary thing, YES I am capable, YES I am worthy. I had it placed on my left wrist, somewhere very visible, so when I needed to I could look down and see that reminder.
I often feel because I got this tattoo, because I've so openly displayed my experience, new struggles are even harder to talk about. For some reason, I should "be healed". But even as I type that, I know what utter nonsense it is. That's the horrible part about anxiety, a lot of times it's a physical feeling. I've had days where I just feel sick to my stomach and like I could cry at any moment, but I know that absolutely nothing is wrong. My brain is just a little off. I've had to tell myself a lot lately, that I'm not supposed to be perfect and have all of the things together.
The premise of this whole post is -- in part a personal pep talk -- but mainly to say: IT'S OKAY TO HIT A ROADBLOCK. I've struggled to find the words to correctly describe the feelings in my brain, but the best description I can think to say is that I've hit a roadblock... a slump. And it's okay. Sometimes you have to stop and reevaluate. Other people might not understand what you're doing, but it's not for them it's for you. Nothing is more important than your health. I'm hoping to be more open about my struggles with the people closest to me. And I hope that by putting it out there now, it can help someway else who feels the same.
SHOP THE LOOK
